School is meant to be a place of growth, learning, and friendship. But for many children, it can also be a source of deep anxiety. From academic pressures and social challenges to performance fears and separation worries, school-related anxiety often shows up in ways that are easy to miss or misinterpret. It doesn’t always look like worry; it can look like tears, tantrums, stomachaches, or even silence.
Recognizing the signs and knowing how to respond with care and clarity can make all the difference. Here’s a breakdown of what to look for and what you can do to help your child feel seen, supported, and safe.
Children may constantly worry about changes, making mistakes, or how others perceive them. They might ask the same questions over and over, even after you've answered.
Try this:
Respond with calm and certainty. Say:
"I know you're worried about your math test, but remember, a test doesn’t measure your worth. You’ve practiced and prepared, and no matter what, I’m proud of you for trying."
Then help them practice calming strategies like deep breathing or positive self-talk.
This can range from Sunday night tears to outright refusal to get out of the car at drop-off.
Try this:
Validate their fear without reinforcing it. Say:
"I hear that school feels really scary today. You’re not alone. Lots of kids feel nervous sometimes. But I believe in your bravery, and I’ll be right here after school to hear how it went."
Offer a small comfort item, like a stuffed animal or keychain, or a routine for added reassurance.
Irritability, especially in the mornings or before bed, can signal school-related anxiety. It may come out as snapping, yelling, or seeming "on edge."
Try this:
Don’t punish the mood. Instead, notice it and offer connection:
"You seem frustrated. Is something about tomorrow worrying you?"
Sometimes a snuggle, a silly joke, or a walk together can help ease tension and foster connection.
Statements like “I’m not good at anything” or “I’m stupid” are heartbreaking, but common.
Try this:
Challenge the thought gently but directly. Say:
"That’s a really tough thought to have. I know that’s not true: remember how you figured out your science project last week? That took real creativity."
Then shift the focus to effort, not outcome: “Trying hard is what matters most, not being perfect.”
Increased tearfulness, loss of interest in favorite things, or seeming “low energy” can all signal deeper distress.
Try this:
Create space for sharing. Ask, “What’s been feeling hard lately?” or offer a shared journal where your child can write or draw what they’re feeling. Consider sharing a personal anecdote from your childhood where you overcame similar challenges.
Repeatedly asking things like “Will I be okay?” or “Do you think the teacher will be mad?” can be a coping strategy for managing uncertainty.
Try this:
Instead of always answering, teach them how to reassure themselves.
"That’s a great question. What’s something you could tell yourself right now to feel a little safer?" or even, “What do you think?” and guide them to a positive outcome, or how to handle a negative.Then work together on a mantra like: “I can handle what comes.”
Missing school, complaining of vague symptoms (like stomachaches) in the morning, or clinging at drop-off are classic anxiety behaviors.
Try this:
Stay calm, consistent, and connected. Avoid long goodbyes or giving in to skipping school (unless there's illness). Say:
"I know you feel nervous, but I believe in your strength. Let’s do our drop-off routine and get through this together." If that doesn’t work, try something like, “Your nerves are a sign your body is getting ready for something new. You are brave, and this feeling will pass.”
Anxious kids might say no to birthday parties, skip recess, or isolate from peers.
Try this:
Start small. Encourage a one-on-one playdate or short social activity. Afterward, praise their courage:
"I saw how brave you were going to the park today. That was a big step."
Struggling to pay attention or stay on task can often be mistaken for laziness or inattention, but it can be a sign of anxiety.
Try this:
Break tasks into chunks. Use timers for focus sessions with breaks in between. Offer reminders gently:
"Let’s just focus on this part first, then take a break."
Not speaking in class, avoiding group activities, or shutting down in new environments can signal anxiety, not defiance.
Try this:
Work with teachers to create a safe plan, like having a buddy system or giving your child a “comfort signal” to use if overwhelmed. Consider participating in more group activities as a family, where you can help your child build more confidence in a safe environment.
If grades drop or assignments go unfinished, look at what might be going on beneath the surface.
Try this:
Ask: “What’s been hard about doing your homework lately?” Then brainstorm together:
"Would it help to work on it at the library instead of home?"
Problem-solve as a team, without pressure or punishment. Always model a “us vs. the problem” approach.
Procrastination or refusal to start tasks may be a sign that they’re overwhelmed, not lazy.
Try this:
Sit with them, break it down, and give choices:
"Do you want to start with math or reading?"
Avoid shaming. Empower with structure.
If they suddenly lose interest in sports, clubs, or hobbies, it may be a sign of emotional distress.
Try this:
Gently explore what changed. “I noticed you haven’t wanted to go to soccer lately. Is something going on there?”
Give permission to pause, but also offer encouragement to reengage when they’re ready.
If symptoms persist for several weeks, interfere with daily functioning, or escalate, reach out. A pediatrician, school counselor, or therapist can help identify the root cause and create a plan.
Therapy, especially with a provider who understands childhood anxiety, can help your child build lifelong coping skills. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), play therapy, or even art-based approaches can be very effective.
Anxiety doesn’t mean your child is broken. It means they care deeply and need extra tools to feel safe and capable. When you respond with empathy, structure, and encouragement, you teach them how to manage hard feelings with courage.
Remember: You’re not alone. And neither is your child. With the right support, anxious kids can become some of the most thoughtful, resilient, and emotionally intelligent adults out there. Keep showing up with love and don’t forget to give yourself grace, too.
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